A journal or two

For Baby Wyatt, a journal’s all I really have. So, it’s pretty important, as you can imagine. I write him letters once in a while. Less often as time passes. Then I feel guilty of course, but I try to catch up and tell him everything he’s missed. Which doesn’t feel like much in the shadow of his little baby angel self. But I recently completed the first journal and had to buy a new one. I felt a wave of accomplishment, signing off on that last page, knowing that I was sticking to something I told myself I would do for him. I know he can’t read yet, gosh, he’d only be 11 months old, but it feels good to share and just feel sad and let the tears fly once in a while. I don’t always cry, but I would say usually I do. There’s too much loss in there because I just wonder what he would be doing if he were here instead of there. I think this journal will help my living children—God willing—understand him better and maybe know him a little more. I dunno. I did get a cute new journal with dogs on it though, so that’s pretty great.

For Baby#2, I started a journal pretty much before I knew I was pregnant. I was kicking myself for not keeping better track of my pregnancy with Wyatt; it’s all I had. I thought it was annoying to see people’s “Month X profile photo”s on Facebook and therefore never even took any myself. I thought I’d jinx myself for doing stuff like that. Well.

So, Baby2’s first journal is on my computer, so it’s not the letter-writing kind, just an update on Baby2 and my life. I put in photos from every week and try to come up with enough stuff to write about that it fills a page. The first few weeks were pretty boring, just about me being nervous. But now it’s getting hard to fit it all on just one page. This also brings a feeling of success: I’ve got stuff to talk about and share again! I suppose this is my plug for journals. Gooooooo journals!