Social Outings

Aside from work people, and good old Ed, Purveyor of Bridesmaids’ Dresses, I haven’t seen anyone special since I had the positive pee-stick. I haven’t had to avoid alcohol in front of anyone, have a secret giggle with Hubby in front of anyone, wonder if my period just came late in front of anyone. So, spending last weekend with some of my college buddies was an interesting experience. It would be so easy just to say “yay, we’re having a baby” and then pass on the wine and Brie, but, alas, we’re going the first-trimester-disclosure route and I’m going to see how good a liar I am until that time. Luckily we were all busy working both days so it wasn’t odd that I said I was a bit tired, dehydrated, and not very interested in boozing. Plus, it’s pretty easy to blend in at a table for 18…and to hold an empty beer can pretending it’s full. You don’t even have to pretend to drink it, just hold it, seriously.

the first to know

So Hubby obviously heard the good news. And I did get that high five, as I suspected. I’m pretty sure we’re going to go by the idea that we shouldn’t really tell anyone else until three months have passed; I’m not much superstitious, but I’d rather not tell the whole world and then have to take it back. Embarrassing. Oh, and sad too, of course.

So, naturally, one would assume that our parents or siblings would be the next to know, right? We’ll wait the requisite time, get our parents on speakerphone, tell them the good news, listen to them weeping from joy (and probably fright), have a big smile, and go to bed knowing we made their day—maybe their decade. You will not guess who actually learned first. Go ahead. Just guess for a second.

I will bet $1,000,000 you did not suspect Ed, Purveyor of Bridesmaids’ Dresses. You didn’t guess him did you? Didn’t think so. Naturally I timed this, well, Nature timed this, glorious occurrence to coincide with one of my dearest friend’s weddings, in which I will be a bridesmaid(matron?). I’ll be looking pretty rip in 6 months, so of course I will be exposed in all my African violet glory to lots of people I don't know and sweating profusely in the

Massachusetts August swamp-heat. Yesss.

The worst part really is that poor Ed, Purveyor of Bridesmaids’ Dresses, will never know how awkward and uncomfortable I was trying to figure out what size dress to order from him. I wasn’t about to tell him he was the first person to know, but I seriously put off the call as long as I could just to be sure I wasn’t ordering a dress ten sizes too big for the fun of it. Oblivious Ed accidentally shared the news with said bride-to-be, who is now the other first person to actually know. She owes me a secret though, so we’re cool.

Tinkle Test

I did it; I peed on the stick. It was gross. It splashed a little. The directions said that “first-morning urine” is best, and I didn’t really realize how badly I had to go I guess. Anyway, I had the directions laid out on the sink in front of me, and while I tried to hold it in I read the directions twice. When I thought I understood and wouldn’t mess it up, I ripped open that foil package, popped off the cap, and had a nice whiz while hovering over the toilet. As soon as I was done, I capped it back up and set it down warily next to the directions. I read them again. I looked at the contraption. I turned it over so I could actually see the correct side. It said I should wait 2 minutes: yeah, right. I went and changed out of my jammies and came sprinting back in. Someone looking in the window (not that somebody was) would have thought I had fallen prey to a stomach bug and was running for cover. Lo and behold, among the dehydrated yellow damp were two lines. Positive! I read the directions again about three times, smiling and having hot flashes of disbelief. What now?

wait a second...

Yesterday was supposed to be the start of my period. I had a preventative panty-liner all ready for some action, but action it did not receive. So…immediately I wonder. I’ve never had a late period in my life. Well, I can’t really remember the first few years, and then for awhile after that they were regulated by birth control so I guess I actually have no idea when my natural period is supposed to come, so nevermind.

All the books I’ve been reading say to chill out and give it some time, especially if you’ve been on any kind of internal contraceptive, but I can’t help and hope that it worked. I mean, how cool would we be if we did it? High fives all around. But really, let’s get to the important question: When can I pee on that stick? I only want to do it if it’s going to be positive. It's hard to aim.

A Baby Story

Have you seen this show? It follows a family through the birth of their new addition. Sometimes they already have kids and are worried about that, sometimes they don’t have kids yet so they’re all nervous about being first timers. Sometimes the woman is obsessed with how much pain labor is going to be, and some women push out the baby like it’s just another day in the office. Sometimes the man is a jerk, and sometimes he is amazing and I want him for my husband. Oh dear. Is some of it disgusting? Yes. Is some of it sappy and tear-inducing? Yes. Maybe it’s my hormones, but I get pretty misty eyed anytime this show is on. And it’s one of those things you can’t look away from, so even though I don’t really want to be watching television and there’s actually nothing on I want to watch-at all- I still keep this on “in the background” and then stare at it leaning half way off the couch in suspense while ignoring whatever else I’m supposed to be doing.

Here’s what this show has taught me: I will never allow a video camera near me giving birth. I’m pretty sure I knew that anyway, but really, now I know know.