A plug for support groups

Here’s what I recommend, given certain circumstances: support groups. Now I know it’s easy to be skeptical of their supposed voodoo magic and stereotypical AA-meeting feel, but I’ve been convinced and so can you. If you’re like my dad, you think psychology is part BS and part interesting people-science. You might think psychology is neat because it brings you preliminary cancer research and things like teamwork, but maybe you’re not really into the whole people-need-each-other, especially-in-bad-times idea. But I promise you, support groups are a positive thing and I thank psychology for them.

Our support group was recommended by the hospital where I delivered Wyatt. We were lucky in that they have a solace program and some nurses who could come talk to us, explain stuff, and give us a few things too like information, a camera, and a teddy bear for the baby we had no idea was coming. Hubby and I weren’t immediately 100% convinced of joining a support group with a start date less than a month after our baby died, and over 45 minutes’ drive away no less. However, I remember feeling relief, understanding, compassion, and a breath of fresh air when we left the first meeting. The giant weight had started to lessen. Meeting people just like us was a huge turning point, even if we still had plenty to do and miles to go. Hearing their stories was difficult, but being there with open ears and arms gave us purpose again. Sharing our own story was near impossible, but it let us get it out, share our baby with people who wanted to know about him, and feel like parents. It was huge. Entering the room that first day was one of the tougher parts of this whole “ordeal,” but I am so very glad we were brave enough to try it.

Now, we see our support group buddies about every six weeks for dinner and games. There’s starting to be more laughter, more friendship, more happy times. We still share our sad moments and dashed hopes, but we also share stories of new pregnancies, adoption plans, the nursery which was planned and ready to go, and cute things older brothers say about their angel siblings. I get emails asking how the latest appointment went; I share book titles. We’re more “normal” now, and I have to say it’s because we came together. If you have any need to attend any kind of support group and you’re not sure if you should go, I would physically drive you there and push you in the door if I could. It’s that good. Believe me, I wouldn’t be raving about social interaction with random people if it wasn’t beyond well worth your first-day jitters.