Reading, reading, and more reading

Sometimes, I have this fascination, obsession really, with getting all the information I can. It hits me at obvious times, but also at completely random times. This time, it’s obvious. My son was stillborn; I am getting all the information I can on that. I imagine most people in my shoes would probably do their fair share of research as well, but man, it’s hitting me hard. It’s comforting, really, and I definitely get to do what I want right now. That’s reading, reading, reading.

Just as when I needed to know everything about how to get pregnant in the first place, and then what the heck to do (and even more not to do) when I was pregnant, I want to know what people have to say about stillborn babies. And their sad families and friends. And grief, and recovery, and so on and so on. Since I am sneaky, I have a library card for the county I live in and the county next door. This means I get double the books. While I have found that this isn’t exactly a popular subject, and some of the “suggested readings” are only available if I feel like buying them from some obscure bookstore, the libraries have kept me busy for over a month now. I would say that’s pretty good.

Here is what is not good: the internet. While it allows me to vent, share, and muse to you in anonymity, it also allows for the passage of way too much information. Information that may or may not be true. Someone in my support group said “I should not be allowed on Google when I’m home alone,” and you know what, sometimes I agree. How can I believe half the stuff I see on here, even if I really want to believe something? I can’t. So I get me some books. Lesson to you all: become friends with your library.