Dreams: Part 1

I have heard this before, and I experienced it a little in my last pregnancy: pregnant women have weird dreams. I’m talking about everything from flirting with old boyfriends to random sci-fi, mad scientist style adventures. I’m no psychologist, but I can guarantee that many of my recent dreams have to do with my concern that this time will turn out like last time (i.e. sad baby dreams). Many, many of them make absolutely no sense though (i.e. what is my 10^th grade biology group doing here?). If I could write a book about my dreams, actually sit down after each one and outline what happened so I could fill out the story on paper, I would instantly be on the New York Times Bestseller list. That is not an exaggeration. Maybe I should do that. In today’s Dreams: Part 1, I will share some of the weird baby dreams I have been having. It amazes me that I have yet to dream about babies dying, and that I haven’t woken up sad from any of these dreams, but something about them is so surreal and weird I guess I just know they aren’t scary and realistic.

The first baby dream I had was a long time ago, maybe even like a month ago, just a couple weeks after I found out I was “expecting.” I went to go pee and something weird was, like, sticking out of my you-know. I couldn’t tell what it was, and I know you aren’t supposed to pull stuff out of there (well, maybe tampons), so I sat back on the toilet and waited. After a few minutes I felt something sort of move around a slide out, and this crazy, dried up, crusty thing was just there in my hand. It is so hard to explain. It was sort of like a mummified cat you see in Ancient Egypt museum exhibits. There was a crispy, yellowed umbilical cord sticking out to the left, which makes sense I guess, and the mummy didn’t look like a baby, especially not a human baby, but I figured it was something like that. I don’t know where I put it, but I didn’t feel sad or bad about it, I just put in a maxi-pad in case I started bleeding and I went on with my day. Weird!

Last night I had another good one worth sharing. There have been a few in between, but this one is fresh in my mind. We were out somewhere with our friends who have a 3 year old and a six-month old who was born a week before Wyatt. I think we were at the rodeo because we went there last Sunday. Anyway, I was in charge of the stroller with the baby in it. This baby was not the chubby six-month old; I mean, it was him, but it was like a mini-grown-up-version, like a gnome or something, and he kept getting away! He would somehow get out of the seatbelt thingy, and then somehow leap out of the stroller, and then somehow careen down the hallway until he bumped into something and then I could capture him because he was stunned and writhing on the floor. Man, it was frustrating. Then, suddenly, I was pushing a double-stroller with both kids in it, and we were going down a slope, and I flipped the stroller on its front, and when I picked it up the baby went flying. It was like a cannon shot him 15 feet away (the three year old was just laughing, strapped into place). So his dad was like “Oh my God!,” and I wondered why he was still letting me push them, and he ran over and picked up the baby by one arm and he was just dangling there flopping around by his arm with his big baby bobblehead. What the?!

I have so many more to share, and I am sure I will collect even more as time passes; I’ll be sure to relay the good ones. Some good ones will be exhibited in Dreams: Part 2, which will discuss sexy dreams I have had.